Day Trip to Nauvoo

These are pretty purple flowers and a picket fence in front of Brigham Young's home. The day in Nauvoo was a nice way to spend the Sabbath.

Some Rules from www.pragmaticbuddhism.org

The Rules

Gamble's Rule
When your work speaks for itself, shut up.

Starr's Law
Worry is interest you pay on money you didn't borrow.

Einstein's 2nd Rule of Relativity
Try not to be a person of success, but rather a person of value.

Lillian's Legacy
There are beings in this world whose sole function in your life is to allow you to acquire good karma, practice patience and build character. And sometimes they are all too easy to find.

The Rule of Expectations (Mark Twain)
Expecting life to treat you "fairly" because you're a good person is like expecting the bull NOT to charge you because you're a vegetarian.

The Second Rule of Expectations
An EXPECTATION is a Premeditated resentment.
Contributed by Julia

Rule of Just Compensation
Nobody can be paid enough for a job that politeness can be left out or ignored. The price paid by the employer or the employee (or both) is the loss of humanity.

Rule of Cheap Lessons
The only lessons really worth learning are those that are the most expensive.

Rule of Politeness
Impoliteness, like confrontation, is sometimes an act of violence, and it is always an act of aggression.

Sandburg's Solution (Carl Sandburg)
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

The Rule regarding Growing Old
Don't fret old age, it is a privilege denied to many.

Rule of Illusionary Value
Most people will sacrifice more and fight harder to protect a valuable illusion than they will to defend an unglamorous truth.

Rule of Wrong Lessons
If the student, friend or companion is not permitted or encouraged to question; not permitted or encouraged to a dialog; the principle lesson learned is indifference.

Rule Regarding Mind Reading
If men and women were really capable of reading each others' minds, most would be either too embarrassed or too angry to ever face each other again.

Harold E. Kohn's Rule
Brooks become crooked by following the path of least resistance. So do people.

Galbraith's Rule of Choices
Faced with a choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Lincoln's Criteria
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

Seneca's Note
Men do not care how nobly they live, but only how long, although it is within the reach of every man to live nobly, but within no man's power to live long. - Seneca (5BC - 65AD)

E. E. Cumming's Rule of Conquest
To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.-- e.e. cummings

The Rule of HALT
When Hungry, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired, stop what you are doing and take care of yourself. -Shi Shen Long

Rule of Veracity
People will believe a lie if they want it to be true or if they are afraid that it is true.

The Four Fears
There are four types of fear. In descending order, they are:
1. The fear of losing what you have.
2. The fear of acquiring what you don't want.
3. The fear of not getting what you want.
4. The fear of not losing what you don't want.

Karpman's Rule - The Drama Triangle
In any drama there are three and only three roles: Victim , Persecutor and Rescuer. Roles can shift in a matter of moments, and any actor can take on any role. (Stephen B. Karpman 1968)

Rule of Realism
Enlightenment does not equal perfection. Rather, it is the simple acceptance of one's unique situation in this life, as authenticated through rigorous self-honesty.

Rule of Buddhist Action
Cease to do harm. Do only good. Do good for others.

Rule of Acculturation
We are all limited by our cultural upbringing, and there is not one person who is free from the acculturation process. This is not a limitation but a natural reflection of dependent origination. Just as human communication is culturally mediated, fish must breathe through gills. I've never met a fish audacious enough to proclaim, "we fish are not truly bound by our gills in this world." Culture, though malleable, is part and parcel of life as a human being.

Rorty's Rule
Take care of freedom and truth will take care of itself.
(Richard Rorty, Pragmatist and CPB supporter)

Hanlon's Razor
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Rule of Relative Humor
"I would laugh too if he wasn't mine"(Wife when she saw her husband drunk on the street in the middle of the day.)

Thought for the Day

The cure for anything is salt water — sweat, tears, or the sea.

 

--Karen Blixen

Come Join the Feast-Reflection for the Day

While being "less than mobile" during this past month I have been using my Netflix account to catch up on the films I always wanted to view.  Some selections were welcomed repeats from my college days (I mean, seriously, when is a working mom ever going to carve out 4 hours to watch Jean de Florette/Manon de Source in its entirety?).  Others were BBC recommendations (such as the Mayor of Castorbridge which stars one of my favorite brit actors--Cieran Hinds).  However, the biggest surprise was "Babette's Feast" which was a slow, quiet presentation of the lives of two devout sisters.  The film, which is an adaptation of an Isak Dinesan (Karen Blixen) story has given me pause and I want to try and share the thoughts and feelings it has inspired.

 

The two devout sisters live and serve their neighbors in their small Jutland village.  As they worship together they consistently sing a hymn with the words....

 

Jerusalem, my heart's true home
Your name is forever dear to me.
Your kindness is second to none
You keep us clothed and fed
Never would you give a stone
To the child who begs for bread

 

 

Never would you give a stone
To the child who begs for bread

 

 

To me, this theme is the core message of the film.  Even though both sisters choose to stay and serve in their small community (instead of pursuing worldly honors with the opportunities that are presented to them when they are younger), they end up receiving everything that matters most (the bread of life) and receive a feast worthy of nobility. 

 

And, all those who partake in the feast (which is a symbol of the Eucharist) are changed by the experience. 

 

So, even though we are serving our little circle of family, friends, and associates and the majority of our efforts are unnoticed or unknown, it will all be for good as is stated at the end of the film:

 

Babette:  Throughout the world sounds one long cry from the heart of the artist:

Give me the chance to do my very best.

Philippa: But that is not the end, Babette, I'm certain of that. In Paradise, you will be the great artist that God meant you to be. Ah, how you will delight the angels!.

 

That we may all have the chance to do our very best.

Testimony of Gratitude-Matthew 25

As I have been extremely blessed these past couple of weeks by those in my family and church family,  the following scripture has come to mind.  I hope that all those who have been and continue to be so good to me realize how grateful I am to them and to my Heavenly Father for sending them into my life.

 

35 For I was an ^ahungred, and ye ^bgave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a ^cstranger, and ye took me in:

  36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye ^avisited me: I was in ^bprison, and ye came unto me.

  37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

  38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

  39 Or when saw we thee ^asick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

  40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have ^adone it unto one of the ^bleast of these my ^cbrethren, ye have done it unto me.

 34 Then shall the King say unto them on his ^aright hand, Come, ye ^bblessed of my Father, ^cinherit the ^dkingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

Be Still

The last ten days have offered me the unique opportunity to "be still" and think about my relationship with God. As I have reflected on this relationship, I have realized that I need to slow down and let Him be with me throughout my day and not be so "busy" that I don't listen to his loving guidance. I like to be independent, to show how strong and capable I am, and to keep my head above water through my own dog paddling. I need to remember that everything I have is from God and that without Him I am nothing. When I let Him into my life, I am able to let go of my selfish pride and focus on what matters most. Then, I truly enjoy the moments that make up my life.

Bionic Pity Party

For my readers who don't know, I broke my ankle about 10 days ago and am now the bionic woman.  I had surgery which placed pins, plates, and other fun metal stabilizing objects into my new and improved left ankle.  Now I would love to spread the rumor that I broke my ankle doing something fun and exciting like skydiving, but the truth is, I was walking down the stairs to clean out the kitty litter.  I missed a couple of steps and instead of falling on my ample behind (which has plenty of cushioning), I landed on my left ankle and felt and heard a nice C.R.U.N.C.H.

 

Until now, I have been so zoned out on pain pills and focusing so intently on taking care of my basic needs, that I haven't fully processed the events of this mishap.  Now that I am coming out of the haze and reality is settling in, I realize I have had this underground pity party just bubbling underneath.  So, I am going to let it all out so I can face down my sorrows and discouragement, pull up my bootstraps, and get on with life.

 

Reasons for my pity party:

 

1.  This ankle thing hurts.

2.  I have extreme difficulty taking care of myself.  It takes all my energy just to get a shower for the day and to sit up at the kitchen table for an hour. 

3.  I just started a new job and it is an extreme pain to be missing work right now (I was just finding my feet and starting to make progress).

4.  I need every bit of my paycheck and can't afford to go without pay (which is what is happening right now since I don't have sick leave).

5.  I was in a great exercise mode, was losing weight, and now will lose a lot of the progress I was making (as far as muscle strength anway).

6.  I don't know how I am going to keep up at work!

7.  I will not be able to walk on my own for the next 5-8 weeks.

8.  I have to have rides to work and have lost the freedom to just get up and go anytime I need or want.

9.  I had to cancel my trip to Wisconsin.

10.  Did I mention this ankle thing hurts???

 

 

Couldn't I have learned this "life lesson" without actually breaking my ankle?  Obviously the answer to that is no.....

 

Now, I know there are lessons to be learned from this experience and there are blessings to be received (and I am sure I will be more grateful for these once I am back to my "normal" functional capacity).  Here are the lessons I have learned so far:

 

1.  We are all in this together and I need to reach out and serve more.

2.  I am surrounded by loving family and friends and they have been so good to me.

3.  I need to learn how to gracefully accept other people's help and love and service.

4.  I am a daughter of God and that is what gives me worth...not my ability to multi task and successfully juggle hectic days.

5.  Greater compassion for my friends and associates who struggle with physical limitations on a permanent basis.

6.  HUMILITY (try having your commode cleaned out by your neighbor and see how much pride you can hang onto).

7.  Dependence on Heavenly Father and my fellow brothers and sisters.

8.  Greater awareness of those around me who have needs.

9.  The joy of having a very clean house (thanks to the wonderful women who came and cleaned it up for me).

10.  What matters most.

 

So, for each challenge and each daily struggle, I will be looking for the lesson, celebrate my small achievements, and keep pushing forward.  I hope to report some valuable insights as the healing process continues.

 

 

 

 

Thought for the Day

Your past does not define you, it has prepared you.

Thought for the Year

"Everyone seems to be in such a terrible rush; anxious for greater riches, greater developments and so on. So that children have very little time with their parents; parents have very little time with each other; and so in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world."
        ~ Mother Theresa

Poem for the Day--Rudyard Kipling

"HAVE you news of my boy Jack?"
    Not this tide.
"When d'you think that he'll come back?"
    Not with this wind blowing, and this tide.

"Has any one else had word of him?"
    Not this tide.
For what is sunk will hardly swim,
    Not with this wind blowing, and this tide.

"Oh, dear, what comfort can I find?"
    None this tide,
    Nor any tide,
Except he did not shame his kind—
    Not even with that wind blowing, and that tide.

Then hold your head up all the more,
    This tide,
    And every tide;
Because he was the son you bore,
    And gave to that wind blowing and that tide!

Christ the Lord is Risen Today

Happy Easter!

 

 

Comforting Thoughts

Joseph Smith taught that God is "more liberal in His views, and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive."

 

It is on such a foundation that the fears of death can be reconciled with the hopes of life.

At a loss...

I was stunned to learn, upon arriving home, that a good friend and wonderful person suffered a tragic loss last night.  A former co-worker, good friend, and one of the most amazing women I have ever met lost her husband last night.  She is the mother of two young girls and is in her 30's (as was her husband).  It was a sudden, heart-related issue and I still can't believe that this man I know....this young father and husband....is gone.  Words cannot describe the sorrow I feel for this wonderful young mom.  She is one of the kindest, most generous and intelligent women I have ever met and she has been such a positive influence in my life.  I still cannot believe that this has happened to her.  If you are reading this...please say a prayer for my good friend....and anyone else out there who may be suffering such a tragedy.

Lift not the painted veil...

... which those call life though unreal shapes be pictured there, and they but mimic all we could believe!

 

Just finished watching the Painted Veil which had breathtaking scenery and a lush score.  However, the true beauty of the story was in the lives of two people, husband and wife, who learn to stop expecting each other to be something they are not and come to love each other.

 

How often do we waste our time and efforts in trying to get others to do or be what we want them to be?  The real joy comes in discovering who another person is and being a witness to their life's journey.

 

 

Quote of the Day

 

"Be who you are and be that well."

 

Saint Francis de Sales

The Ten-Year Itch

I have decided that I am stale.  A small, dried-up cog in the big machine.  Now, there is nothing wrong with being a cog....being a cog enables me to put a roof over the head of my children, provide them with a good education, and keep them fed and clothed.  But I don't like the feeling of stale redundancy and I would at least like to be a cog with a little more flavor.  I want to shake things up! 

 

St. Louis continues to grow smaller and smaller and I yearn for a new landscape.  I would love to sell everything but the essentials, pack it all up and start over in a new city...OR find a job where I am traveling and constantly meeting new people and seeing new places...

 

At the moment, I would love to work for someone like Heifer International  www.heifer.org and feel like I am making a real difference.

 

No worries....I have no intention of packing it in until the boys finish school....but it does my mind good to dream once in awhile.

 

If you could embark on a new adventure, what would it be?

 

 

Thought for the Day

The best way to love someone is to help him or her to be successful in loving you.

Thought for the Day

"You cannot be anything you want to be – but you can be a lot more of who you already are."

 

www.strengthsfinder.com

 

 

Thought you might enjoy! I did!

Have an Average Day

by Michael Neill, from Catalyst

I once was talking to my friend and mentor Steve Chandler when he said to me, "Have an average day!" Taken aback, I asked him what he meant. Isn't the idea to have great days, even exceptional ones?

He told me a story about one of his mentors, Lyndon Duke, who studied the linguistics of suicide. After receiving doctorates from two universities, Duke began analyzing suicide notes for linguistic clues that could be used to predict and prevent suicidal behavior in teenagers.

Duke came to believe that the enemy of happiness is "the curse of exceptionality." When everyone is trying to be exceptional, nearly everyone fails because the exceptional becomes commonplace, and those few who do succeed feel isolated and estranged from their peers. We're left with a world in which a few people feel envied, misunderstood, and alone, while thousands of others feel like failures for not being good, special, rich, or happy enough.

When I was in the thickest cloud of my own suicidal thoughts, I was at university and I remember wishing that I could run away from my scholarship, change my name to Bob, and take a job pumping gas at a full-service station somewhere in the Midwest. Only in my fantasy, people would start to notice something special about me. They would begin driving miles out of their way to have "Bob the service guy" fill up their cars and to exchange a few words with him, leaving the station oddly uplifted and with a renewed sense of optimism and purpose.

I was, to my way of thinking, doomed to succeed.

Delusions of grandeur? Quite possibly. Depressed and miserable? Absolutely.

One of Duke's breakthroughs came when he was dealing with his own unhappiness and heard a neighbor singing while he was mowing his lawn. Duke realized what was missing from his life: the simple pleasures of an average day.

The very next weekend, he went to visit his son, who was struggling to excel in his first term at university. "I expect you to be a straight C student, young man," Duke said. "I want you to complete your unremarkable academic career, meet an ordinary young woman, and, if you choose to, get married and live a completely average life!"

His son, of course, thought Dad had finally flipped, but it did take the pressure off him to be quite so exceptional. A month later he phoned his father to apologize. He had gotten A's on his exams, despite having done only an average amount of studying.

This is the paradoxical promise of an average-day philosophy: The cumulative effect of a series of average days is actually quite extraordinary.

If we put this together with another one of Duke's discoveries—that the meaning of our lives comes from the differences we make with them, though these differences need not be huge to have a profound impact—we may well have the ultimate prescription for a happy, productive life:

Be an average, happy person making a small positive difference (and having a happy, average day). In doing this, you create a kind of exceptionality that everyone can share.

 

Michael Neill (www.geniuscatalyst.com) is a success coach, media commentator, and author. Copyright © 2007 Michael Neill. Excerpted from Catalyst (Sept. 2007), an independent journal of healthy living. Subscriptions: $18/yr. (12 issues) from 364 E. Broadway, Salt Lake City, UT 84111; www.catalystmagazine.net.

 

Calculating Cumulative Rewards

With just a little mental math, you can calculate the exceptional impact of a series of average days.

1. Choose an area of your life in which you have been trying to excel, such as writing, sales, or being a parent.
2. Consider what would constitute an average day in that area. For a writer that might be 90 minutes of writing; in sales that might be speaking with five new prospects; a parent might aim to spend an hour a day 100 percent focused on the kids.
3. Project forward. If you did nothing but repeat your average day five days a week, what would you accomplish in three months? A year? Five years?
     Writing 100 or so hours over a three-month period is enough to complete a book; in a year that would be two books, some poetry, and a screenplay. Speaking with 100 new prospects over the course of a month would definitely lead to new sales.
     A parent who spends at least an hour a day focused on children racks up 90 hours in three months. In five years, if a parent made even a small difference in each of the 1,800 hours she or he spent, the impact would be anything but average. —Michael Neill

Authenticity

“What would happen if we started to live inside our religion the way we were intended to live? What if we were allowed to be completely visible? What if we were allowed to admit our sins and shortcomings? What if we started to tell the truth about ourselves at all of our meetings? What if we let love and truth be the motto of our religion instead of secrets, guilt, lies, and looking good?”

-- http://www.motleyvision.org/?p=344#comments

Interesting Post from timesandseasons.org

1/8/2008
“This Thing Was Not Done in a Corner”
by Melissa Proctor
I was delighted when Noah Feldman accepted my invitation to give the keynote address at Princeton’s Mormonism and American Politics conference because I knew he’d offer a thoughtful and sophisticated outsider’s perspective on these issues. His latest NYT piece, a polished and updated version of his conference remarks, is even more that that, however. In challenging what Feldman calls the “soft bigotry” against Mormonism, still surprisingly so widespread, while at the same time effectively raising legitimate issues for Latter-day Saints to wrestle with themselves, Feldman’s piece does what few other articles on Mormonism have been able to do and is rightly getting a lot of attention.

Since I have spent time in conversation discussing these points with Feldman, it is perhaps unremarkable that I have mostly praise for his observations and as such won’t rehearse my significant agreements with him. Instead, what I will draw attention to are the LDS responses to Feldman which I find most interesting.

Feldman argues that “Mormonism’s political problem arises, in larger part, from the disconcerting split between its public and private faces.” The faces of the missionaries that seem to evoke wholesomeness and clean living on one hand and temple rites intended only for the worthy few, leaves outsiders uncomfortable and uncertain about the Mormon faith. Does Mormonism epitomize all-American, apple pie goodness or does its non-public sacred temple rituals, holy garments, and theocratic past define Mormonism as marginal and worthy of suspicion?

According to Feldman, Mormonism’s understanding of sacred mystery implies a certain theological secrecy leading to public distrust. When distrust and fear turn to persecution Mormons feel external pressure to be secretive about even those beliefs regarding which there may be no theological rationale for silence and which they might more readily share but for the possible persecution they might face. Silence or secrecy then becomes a protective strategy. The category of secrecy looms large in the article as one of the sticking points that ostensibly both explains and engenders continuing national bigotry. Feldman suggests that Mormonism not only began in secrecy but that Mormon theology remains relatively inaccessible to outsiders because much of Joseph’s Smith’s revelations are thought of as sacred secrets to be shared only with select initiates.

Many Latter-day Saints have a knee-jerk reaction to the charge of secrecy. However well-informed the outsider, they take these observations about the church as an accusation of shady practices so they respond like Paul when speaking of the early Christians to King Agrippa that “this thing was not done in a corner”! To demonstrate this transparency, which seems for some to imply goodness, they point to the church’s extensive international missionary program which seeks to educate anyone who will listen about the doctrines and practices of Mormon faith and issues reminders that the Book of Mormon is published in more than 36 languages and distributed all over the world. They note that the official church website publishes all major addresses by church leaders and that the current president of the church has gone on national television, agreeing to be interviewed by the likes of Larry King and Mike Wallace.

Though Latter-day Saints might bristle at this observation and offer evidence to the contrary, it is difficult to not to concede Feldman’s point. Plural marriage was a sacred secret for many years and the temple ordinances have never been meant for public consumption. Granting these points however does not do the damage that some LDS may think. Feldman draws analogies between Mormonism’s sacred secrets and medieval Islamic esotericism, kabbalistic mysticism and ancient Christian Gnosticism, effectively arguing that there are strands within Mormonism that bear resemblances to old strands within Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. If Feldman is right that “antiquity breeds authenticity,” then Feldman’s emphasis on Mormon secrecy in the context of an argument for the antiquity of such a practice does Latter-day Saints a favor.

Feldman’s recounting of Mormon history is mostly the good standard story you’d expect from an academic who has read the most important secondary sources. I do however think his account of what he calls Mormon “normalization” could have benefitted from a more careful perusal of Armand Mauss’ The Angel and the Beehive: the Mormon Struggle with Assimilation. Feldman suggests that the level of assimilation that Latter-day Saints have been able to accomplish is due largely to a deliberate reticence to discuss religious beliefs (i.e. secrecy) as a survival tactic. Mauss paints a more complex picture than the one Feldman describes by arguing that there has been and continues to be much opposition to the diffusion of Mormon distinctiveness that has led to what Mauss calls the predicament of respectability. There is evidence of a hardening position against further assimilation and sometimes an apparent desire to reverse this trend from both the leadership and laity. That we are becoming too much like the world is not an uncommon cry. Mormons are proud to be a “peculiar people.” Though Feldman acknowledges that it might be hard for contemporary Latter-day Saints to imagine such radical change, I think it unlikely that Mormonism would ever come to look like mainline Protestantism. Latter-day Saints want to be accepted as part of the mainstream, but they want to be accepted into the mainstream as Latter-day Saints.

Feldman spends very little time developing what, for me, is one of the most interesting comments in the article. Near the end of the piece, Feldman suggests that Mormon esotericism (which is perhaps less controversial a category than secrecy—I suggested early on that he use “mystery” as the native term to Mormon scripture, but that wasn’t quite right either) is reflected in the political speechmaking of Romney and defined by “the attempt to convey multiple messages to different audiences through the careful use of words.” Any effort to do this might sound coolly calculating and manipulative and these charges have certainly been thrown at Romney, but I would argue that learning how to discuss the religious premises that ground one’s moral and political beliefs in a way that is accessible without distortion is the challenge that faces every Latter-day Saint who enters the public square.

Happy Birthday to Me!

30 years ago....  I turned 8 and was looking forward to my baptism at the Joplin Stake Center.

 

25 years ago....  I officially became a "teenager" and remember riding the bus home through Aurora and wondering why I didn't feel any "different"

 

22 years ago...   I begged mom (successfully) to take me to Mt. Vernon for my driver's license...I took the car out that night for the first time (legally)!

 

19 years ago...   Bill and I celebrated my birthday along with Emily Fulkerson and Jason (who had just returned from Brazil)

 

17 years ago...   I celebrated my birthday as a brand new mom

 

14 years ago...   I celebrated my birthday as an official college graduate

 

10 years ago...   I celebrated my birthday as an almost-finished, in my last semester, graduate student

 

How the time does fly!!!!

 

This year, I am going to plan how to celebrate my birthday next year....the big 39....in a new and exciting place to which I have never been.

 

The choices so far are:

 

London

Sao Paulo

Taipei

Mittenwald/Germany

 

 

Misison Statement

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

 

Mission Statement:

 

To determine the values and priorities I have for myself and my family and then diligently and thoughtfully pursue the course which leads to the desired outcome.