I recently had the good fortune to give a somewhat impromptu talk in my parent's LDS church in Aurora, Missouri. The words just seemed to flow and what ended up being a 20 minute diatribe directed by the Spirit turned into a personal realization that everything that just came out of my mouth needed to be applied to my life. I am going to "recreate" the talk here to the best of my ability and then add some of the thoughts and feelings I have had since then.
It is a privilege to speak to you brothers and sisters today. In our church we close our remarks by saying "In the name of Jesus Christ". I am going to do something a little different and start my talk with those words with the prayer and intention that everything I say will truly be in the name of Jesus Christ and will honor Him and present His gospel in a true and pure manner. I have been asked to speak about forgiveness and repentance. To me, these are some of the most beautiful doctrines of the gospel because they represent just how much the Lord loves us, how much He feels after us, and how much He wants a relationship with us. Forgiveness and repentance are a daily and weekly way to build and strengthen the relationship we have with Him. I am especially grateful for the sacrament and the opportunity I have each week to renew my covenants, to be clean, and to try again to be more like my Savior.
As I speak today, it is my hope that each and every one of us apply the principles presented in our personal lives. As Elder Holland stated in general conference a few years ago: "My desire is for all of us--not just the poor in spirit--but all of us to have more straightforward personal experience with the Savior's example. Sometimes we seek heaven too obliquely, focusing on programs or history or the experience of others. Those are important but not as important as personal experience, true discipleship, and the strength that comes from experiencing firsthand the majesty of His touch."
To compliment this thought--of having a personal relationship with our Savior--I would like to read 2 Nephi 2:27. "Wherefore men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."
This is a choice we get to make...every year, every day, every moment of our life. Our we going to turn to the Savior and submit to His will or are we going to pursue our own path and eventually limit our potential and our choices.
This is where repentance and forgiveness become so critical and why repentance is one of the first principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What is repentance? Repentance is essential to our temporal and eternal happiness. It is much more than acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart that gives us a fresh view about God, about ourselves, and about the world. It includes turning away from sin (which is anything that separates us from God) and turning TO God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments. This turning away from sin enables us to reach our full potential.
This process can be hard and painful and there are very specific steps that need to be completed in order to fully repent and be forgiven. As a child, my intentions were not focused upon working through this process....my intention was to get the punishment over as soon as possible so I could forget about it and move on with my life. I have finally learned that it is not enough to just take the punishment or say "I'm sorry". I must be willing to change...I must be willing to look at the situation and discover why I did why I did and what I need to learn from the repentance process. This is where forgiveness comes in...forgiveness in a way is saying "thank you FOR GIVING me this experience".
Forgiveness is a divine attribute. It is to pardon or excuse someone from blame for an offense or misdeed. The scriptures refer to forgiveness in two ways. The Lord commands us to forgive those who hurt or offend us.
There is a caveat that I want to highlight as I talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean trust....the Lord loves everyone but He does not trust everyone....I have seen two extremes in my life...those who are prideful and stubborn and refuse to forgive and those who are "doormats" and "forgive" everyone but do so in a manner that is destructive to themselves or their loved ones. We should be careful to not confuse forgiveness and trust. We can forgive someone but still take steps to protect ourselves and our families.
Elder Craig Zwick currently serving in the Brazil Area Presidency stated that "At each step of our lives the Lord provides us with an environment that is right for us. Sometimes this process is hard to understand at first because it involves trials or adversity."
I have a strong testimony of this principle and I know that it ties in closely with the 2 Nephi reference of being "free to choose". The Lord is mindful of us and knows the lessons we need to learn. We are free to submit to those lessons or walk away and refuse to progress. Many times, it isn't until much later that we can see the wisdom in the experience or "trial" we were placed in. Many of you may know the story of Corrie Ten Boom, a danish woman who, along with her family, hid Jews during World War II. Toward the end of the war, they were discovered and thrown into the concentration camps which we all know were terrible places. Corrie's sister would make them pray every night and thank the Lord for everything with which they had been blessed. This included the fleas that were prevalent and a terrible pestilence. For Corrie, this was just too much...fleas? Thank the Lord for fleas? Her sister had gone too far! It wasn't until much later that they learned that the reason they were able to have relative freedom in their "cabin" and keep the bible study in which they engaged hidden from the guards were the fleas! They were so flea-infested that the guards would not come in. The fleas--which were such a trial at the time--actually helped these women protect their most important lifeline--their scripture study.
When I also think of forgiveness, I think of charity....true charity. Elder Marvin J. Ashton stated "What is charity? Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again....Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended....Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weaknesses and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."
I think the miracle of forgiveness is that when we address our own flaws and seek the best in others as Brother Ashton stated, space opens up for love to enter in.
Creating space for love reminds me of a story of two brothers who had been close friends. They grew up on a farm in Northern Minnesota and as adults lived only a mile apart. Then, their father died and a disagreement arose about the will. Bitter words were exchanged and both parties dissolved into their own camp of "who was right" and "who was wrong". The mile between their farms could have been 10,000 miles because they no longer would speak to each other. 25 years passed and a Christmas Eve found one fo the brothers facing the end of his life. As he pondered the stupid and petty resentments of years past, he trudged the 19/20ths of a mile in the deep snow. There, at his brother's driveway, he played Silent Night on his trumpet. When you have gone the 19/20ths of a mile and can go no further... the Lord makes up the difference....all He asks is that we do our best....that we leave that space in our heart....room for forgiveness to enter in and in the process change us from the natural man or woman to a woman or man of God.
Have you done your best? Have you done all that you could do? Have you walked those 19/20ths of the mile?
If we return for a moment to Corrie Ten Boom, we learn from her that she had a similar experience. After the war, she was asked to speak to many churches about her experiences and the trials she endured. She often spoke of forgiveness and healing. Then, one night she was faced with the ultimate test. After her speech she was shaking hands and a former SS guard approached her. She recognized him immediately and realized that this man was the guard who had engaged in so many brutal and cruel actions towards her sister and herself. The pain and anger of those memories filled her body as this man approached her and with a smile offered his hand to her....is it true what you say? It is such a comfort to know that I, too can be forgiven. Corrie prayed for forgiveness but was filled with hate. He stood there with his hand outstretched. She offered a silent prayer and with all her effort brought her hand up to shake his. As she did, she felt a powerful surge of energy travel down from her arm to his. She was filled with the love and peace and forgiveness that can only come from the Savior.
I bear testimony that if we do all that we can, if we walk that 19/20ths of a mile, the Lord will help us with the rest. Just as he did Corrie Ten Boom. I also testify that the Lord knows and loves each one of us. He knows our needs, he knows our pains, he knows our strengths, our weaknesses, and he knows the lessons we are working to learn. I know that as I turn to Him and submit my will to His that I have been incredibly blessed. If you don't know that He loves you, please get on your knees and talk with Him and find the reassurance that only He can provide--that He does know and love you.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Post-talk thoughts:
I realized after I gave this talk that there were so many areas in my life where I needed to repent and seek forgiveness. And that any time I am feeling "down on myself" or not confident in the choices I am making in life...it is because I have turned away from the Lord and am not creating space for Him to be part of my life. I have made so many mistakes but when my heart is in the right place, I truly feel the atonement at work in my life. It is when I separate myself from the Lord and shut Him out that I start to once again feel the heavy burden of past sin. So, my goal this week has been to remind myself of the person I desire to be....a woman who is trusted by the Lord and keeps her covenants, a woman who makes space in her life for a relationship with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit....a woman who uses that relationship to share greater love with those around her....
When I focus on that woman....the woman I want to be....the mistakes of the past don't seem to haunt me.
